I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a posting on the whole gay marriage thing. But it requires a lot of hard work and thinking and researching and I am really tired right now. See I had a really good workout on the bike and then some supper and then did a little work and now it’s 8:30 pm and I am tired.

A lot of people say they feel energized after a workout. Not me, I am wiped. I leave it all on the floor if you will. When I work out I don’t feel I have done a good job unless I am worked to total exhaustion. When I got off the bike this evening I could barely stand. I like that. This is why I don’t work out in the morning, I am a zombie for the rest of the day.

So here I am sitting at my desk trying to write something clever and insightful about the whole gay marriage thing and Hey!! David Frum is on FOX talking about how the SOTU speech is written. God, the makeup people on Fox are just awful. Sorry but everyone looks like they are dipped in pink chalk.

So where was I …. oh yeah the gay marriage debate.

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The best thing about the Internet is that you can usually find someone out there who has written something far better than you could that sums up your views on the situation. Soo with minimal effort I found this gem from fellow Yamaha rider Kate of small dead animals:

I hold no particular religious beliefs. My support for preserving the traditional definition of marriage is rooted in basic anthropology and solidified by a suspicion that same-sex marriage has more to do with forwarding the agenda of the extreme left than it does with concern about minority rights. If minority rights were truly the issue at stake, there would be full-out legislative war between the Federal Government and province of Quebec over minority language rights.

That pretty much is my point of view as well. Especially the second part about the agenda of the extreme left.

The gay marriage debate for me seems to have come out of nowhere. Only a few years ago there I was living in Toronto working for a company that gave benefits to same sex partners (which I agree with) and living comfortably in the Beaches where our closest neighbours were a quiet gay couple who were the best neighbours you could have asked for. In fact they put up with much more from us (barking dogs, loud motorcycles) than we did from them. As far as I was concerned I was a pretty tolerant and modern dude.

Then all of a sudden gay marriage pops up and if I am not 100% sure it’s the right thing I am a homophobe? I bet I am not the only person who felt like that.

So now we have a raging debate over whether same sex couples should have their unions blessed by the state. This has led to all sorts of interesting arguments. One of the arguments that attracts my attention is the contention that legalizing gay marriage means that you also have to legalize polygamy.

The proponents of this argument seem to be saying “we know how much you lefties hate polygamy - which is pure evil - so you better not legalize gay marriage unless you want a bunch of radical Mormons showing up at the border”.

At least that’s what I think their argument is. To be truthful I haven’t really read that much about it because in my spare time I would rather sit around imagining Kelly Ripa naked.

But I began to thinking about polygamy. What is the big deal about it? Most of the support for the rights of gays will often point out how that homosexuality has been around for a long time and that it is probably even genetic. Guess what? Polygamy has been around for a long while also. In fact I think there was some polygamy in the Bible. You know, in the first part of the book, the section that has all the war and sex and prostitutes? Not in the back part where that preachy guy showed up and it got real boring (sorta like when Alan Alda started producing MASH).

And our good friends who practice Islam are allowed to have up to four wives! In fact I think Osama’s father has 20 wives. I sometimes wonder if the Muslims aren’t telling us the whole story. Maybe the women who wear those big black cloaks prance around in sexy lingerie when they are at home. And then the husband comes home and they all have hot sex together. Remember we are all told that a men’s most popular fantasy is to have sex with more than one woman. Supposedly we fantasize about having sex with two women but in Islam you get four!! Maybe there is something to this religion of peace?

But to come back to reality, if someone’s religion allows them to have four wives (or four husbands) why should that be illegal? Well the most obvious reason is that in Canada the government is in the marriage business and we can’t have situations where you have people with four or more spouses claiming welfare (although everyone else seems to be able to do it). This is what happens sometimes in the States with those fringe Mormon groups.

Now a lot of people are against polygamy because it is bad for women, or women’s rights, or something like that. So let me solve this one for all you women who are worried about that: You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to. If your husband wants to take a second wife you are free to leave. In fact that happens quite a bit in our society. See, we haven’t made polygamy illegal we have just adjusted the timing. You can have four wives; you just can’t have them all at once.

And what about swingers clubs and wife swappers they are sorta practicing polygamy aren’t they? Well not really but no one is saying that swingers clubs are the root of all evil; so why is having more than one spouse?

You know what would be cool? If they made gay marriage and polygamy legal. Then you could go out and find a woman who is bi-sexual and marry her. Then you find a lesbian or bi-sexual wife for her. Man that would be hot….. although there is probably a downside.

In my ideal society everyone should be free to make their own decisions on the kind of relationships that you form. However I think the key here is choice. You should be able to choose.

Marriage is a serious thing. Most people don’t think about it but marriage is a legal contract. Getting married immediately changes your rights over your property and any future earnings. Especially for men. The government which is supposed to be staying out of the bedrooms of the nations hasn’t been out of there for quite some time. Just ask any man who has gone through a divorce.

When I hear people arguing about marriage my first reaction is “dude why the hell do you want to get married in the first place?” I mean unless you want to raise kids I can’t think of a good reason to enter into a legal contract that has a better than 50% chance of failure.

In a free society however if you want to enter into that type of arrangement you should be able to. What shouldn’t happen is that you be forced into that arrangement without your knowledge or without full understanding of the implications of your decision.

We hear a lot of talk about letting people get married who want to get married, but what about those who are married against their will or without their knowledge?

I know what you are saying: “what is he talking about? A shotgun wedding?” No that’s what I mean, “so do you mean someone who was so drunk they couldn’t remember their own wedding?”

Nope I am talking about the millions of people all across the country who are declared married by the government even if they haven’t made any firm decision to do so.

See in Canada if you live together for a certain period of time (I think it is somewhere between 1 and 3 years) the government will declare you married (common law) so if you decide to split up you will find that you are governed by the same laws that govern those who actually decided freely that they wanted to get married.

And you know what? You don’t even get a notice in the mail. You could be happily living your life with someone for three years and maybe in year four decide to go your own way and BAM! Divorce court baby. Next thing you know half your assets are gone. And you didn’t sign any paper, no one asked you if you chose this freely, and you can’t fight it.

So let me ask you. While all of you are fighting about the right of people to entangle themselves in contractual arrangements (and remember Marriage became a business arrangement as soon as the government took control of it) that have a 50% chance of failing, why isn’t anyone fighting for the rights of those not to be forced into contractual arrangements without their consent or their knowledge?

Now see what you made me do? I got so wrapped up in saving the country I forgot the time and now I missed part of Bush’s speech. Hmmm his tie is way too bright. Should have gone with a more muted colour like Cheney’s. Hey is the person sitting behind Laura Bush wearing fishnet stockings?

That’s hot!!

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